Frankenstein in Text Messages

 The Monster finds a misplaced cell phone. More than likely left by a careless time traveler. He begins text messages thusly:

Monster:

OMG! I’M ALIVE! WTH! HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Frankenstein:

(faints)

Monster:

Heading to some big white capped things. Um, are these berries okay to eat? So effing hungry. HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Frankenstein:

On my death bed, get back with you like NEVER!

Monster:

Aww, nice people, pretty people, their work hard. OOOOOOOOOOOO, they have food. Yum, bread!

Frankenstein:

 Oh, cursed I am! Brother’s dead, YOU EFFING KILLED HIM! Couldn’t save our servant girl from death squad. Must destroy what I did.

Monster:

Reading Plutarch is awesome! Milton is awesome! Language is awesome! Old Man looks sad, son sad, daughter sad. I’m sad.

Frankenstein:

(off in lala-land focused on me)

Monster:

Tried having a nice chat with the blind old man. Going well until the children came home. Women screamed. Son ran me out. Damn, WTF you made me so ugly.

Frankenstein:

 Oh, go jump off a cliff.

Monster:

I think not.

Frankenstein:

Fine, I will unleash my non-existent ninja skills on your ugly ass. 

Monster:

I think not.

Frankenstein:

I’m SOOOOOOOOOO unhappy. My life sucks.

Monster:

Me too. If I’m unhappy, you will be too. Unless you make me a bride just as ugly as me and play some Marvin Gaye at our nupitals.

Frankenstein:

NEVER! Okay maybe, if you leave me alone for like ever.(not really going to do it got my own wedding night to plan)

Monster:

You effing bastard! No wedding night for me, no wedding night for you.

Frankenstein:

Oh shit, I’m dead. Getting married anyway. YOU BASTARD! Elizabeth didn’t deserve your killer paws around her neck.

Brief interlude to chase each other around the world to the beachy paradise of Siberia and northern Russia. Poor adventurer forced to listen to Frankenstein rant about his wretchedness. He probably questioned why he turned down Freud’s request to on this boat.

Frankenstein:

I’m dying for real. Guess you win. But I’m gathering my friends in heaven and hell to haunt the shit out of you.

Monster:

Kinda sad about that so I guess I will take your body and go die myself.

Adventurer pees his pants seeing the Monster snatch Frankenstein’s lifeless body. Guess it is time to write some more letters and freak my dear sister out.

 

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